[58]
I’m actually a bit puzzled by Anya’s recent behavior. Let me tell you one thing. Sometimes, when taking care of Zain-our baby, Ruzain Alistar Blaxton-I would have disagreements with my mother. But strangely, Anya would yield. With a genuine smile, she admits that she follows everything my mother says without any objection whatsoever.
Anya listens to my mother’s advice with sincerity, and she is open to receiving a lot of advice regarding the baby. Even though she plans to consult her doctor friends, she still gives my mother a lot of leeway when it comes to taking care of Zain. Well… maybe Anya realizes that Zain is showered with so much love, especially from my parents.
However, I thought we were done with the issue of raising our child. Apparently not. There are times when my beautiful wife just stays silent while looking at Zain sleeping in his crib. She gazes at him with an empty look, and I don’t know why. At first, I didn’t pay much attention to it, but in the past two or three days, Anya’s change in behavior has become too noticeable.
“Joice?” I approached her. I didn’t just leave Anya to take care of Zain during his first month of adaptation. It’s not easy, but fortunately, Zain doesn’t keep us up at night. If not, it would be like World War III. Anya must be exhausted from taking care of Zain all day. If she doesn’t get enough rest, I would feel guilty.
Even though we have a babysitter who helps Anya, it seems like Anya is totally devoted to Zain. Zain only wants to be held by his mother or me. Otherwise, he won’t have it. He’s even picky with me if I’m with him for too long. He won’t let me carry him. Zain is quite selective, even though his father loves him dearly.
I don’t need to spend a lot of time outside the house taking care of the café. I can still keep an eye on things and manage it as it is. Daska is truly reliable. I felt Anya closing her eyes, sensing my touch on her smooth cheek. I aligned myself with her sitting position, then gently persuaded her to lean on me. “Has Zain been sleeping for long?”
“Not too long. He just finished breastfeeding too.”
“Alright, you rest. Taking care of Zain since morning must have tired you out.”
She chuckled instead. “I’m tired, but it’s fun, you know?”
What confuses me and raises many questions is that her smile slowly disappears. From the corner of my eye, I could see how her face turned melancholic. I hate it when Anya is like this. “What’s wrong?”
I heard her take a soft breath. “Mom loves me and Zain so much.”
That’s true.
“I feel so lucky to be in this family,” she said, and I gently stroked her head while giving her a quick kiss. “Then why do you look sad?” I asked.
“There’s a point where I feel really alone,” she raised her index finger to signal that she didn’t want to be interrupted. She knew I would try to interject. Where does this kind of thinking come from? I’m here for Anya. I’m always by her side. But I do know that there has been significant progress in Anya since I married her. She has learned a lot about expressing her feelings to me. That’s not easy. I need to appreciate her bravery in doing that.
Isn’t communication the most crucial aspect of marriage? If we hide one or two things, how can we be in sync? I emphasized this to Anya. Indeed, I don’t ask for this and that. I love Anya as she is. Changing her would mean changing the things I love and find endearing about her.
“I know I shouldn’t be thinking like this right now. But you should also know and realize that I’m a person who misses my mother being here. Or my father. Watching our child grow day by day. Even though questions like ‘why’ and ‘what did I do wrong’ are constantly spinning in my head without finding an answer.”
I hugged Anya uncontrollably. I’ve learned to understand this aspect very well. Anya appears strong, but she’s not. I myself don’t know how I would be if my mother left me. Especially Anya, who was left when she was still a child. Not long after, her father also left just like that. It’s reasonable for this trauma to leave such a deep mark on her heart.
“Does it bother you?” she nodded softly within my embrace. “Maybe because earlier, you seemed a bit annoyed that you couldn’t hold Zain the way my mother wanted. So, it made you feel uncomfortable.”
Ah… when she talks like this, I’m actually really happy. Even though there might still be things Anya is keeping to herself, at least she’s willing to talk. It makes me feel dependable, you know?
“I’ll talk to my mother, alright?”
She momentarily pulled away from the hug I gave her, looking up at me and shaking her head without hesitation. “No need. Maybe your mother said that because she loves Zain so much. She’s worried something might happen to him.”
I smiled.
“But maybe it’s just that when my sensitive side flares up, I remember everything.”Contentt bel0ngs to N0ve/lDrâ/ma.O(r)g!
I lifted her chin so she would look at me because earlier she just kept her head down. I don’t like it when she pays more attention to the carpet than to her handsome husband. I’m serious; Anya said I’m handsome.
“Where is the confident Anya I know, who could hold her head high with pride?” I teased.
She smirked. “This is a different matter. Zain is not a business affair.”
I laughed. “Don’t underestimate yourself. You’re so dedicated to Zain. It’s okay to feel sad because of what my mother said. It’s good; it means you have emotions. If you completely ignore my mother’s words, I’d be worried, Joice.”
Her forehead furrowed. It was so adorable. I gently smoothed it out to prevent her from furrowing her brows. It was like a messy blanket in the morning.
“Emotions that come out because you don’t accept something are better than keeping them buried inside. There’s a time to keep them, and there’s a time to let them out. It’s like information about someone’s mistakes to drive them to be better. Should something like that be kept hidden? I’m sure you know the answer to that.”
I stole a kiss on her forehead first. I love having conversations like this with Anya, in this kind of situation and position. Feeling like she needs me so much. Feeling like I am her true support. And… it shows that I can be relied upon by my wife. That’s a source of pride for me!
“Nah, just like you right now. It’s better to let it out than to keep it buried. Dangerous. If you don’t like someone and you have to live together, it’s not good. For example, you and my mother. You and my father. Or you and Krystal. Or simply put, you and me. What will happen in the future if you keep piling up things you don’t like about me? It will turn into a big pile of trash. And… BOOM!” I joked.
“What do you mean, boom?”
My laughter escaped, even though it was soft. “I mean, it might become a trigger for long-lasting arguments. Days might go by, and every time one issue is brought up, it leads to bringing up another. We shouldn’t let that happen. If there are unresolved issues, let’s solve them together.”
Anya gazed at me intensely, and I felt a bit awkward.
“When we talk like this, I feel like you’re so mature.”
“Thank goodness you said mature and not old.”
She chuckled. “I meant mature, not old.”
It was her turn to laugh. Her laughter was what I wanted to hear – light, carefree, and it seemed like her sadness was fading away.
“I haven’t experienced the same things as you. I know that losing someone is never simple. That’s why I’m glad you talk to me like this, Joice. It means you consider me being by your side.”
“You’re my husband, after all. What else?”
I continued to smile. Her lips, I swear, have moved at least five centimeters forward. “Initially, it wasn’t like that. I was pushed away all the time.”
Her lips pouted.
“Come here.” I pulled her closer and into my embrace. “Don’t go far away. I can’t stand being apart from you.”
She pinched my stomach. “Exaggerating.”
“You’ve always said that to me. But I’m just being honest.” I gently stroked her head. The scent of her shampoo was still the same. Everything about Anya hasn’t changed. The only difference is that she’s plumper now. She also protested about this and that. I just let her be. In the end, she herself will say, “Oh, I forgot I’m breastfeeding Zain. I need to eat more.”
That’s just how Anya is.
As her breathing became regular, and her playfulness subsided, I noticed she was getting tired. So since she was back in my embrace, her fingers were, as usual, caressing my chest, which she seemed to like. Even though she knew it could tempt me. I saw that my wife was falling asleep. Deeply asleep. She must be exhausted.
I slowly adjusted her sleeping position to make her more comfortable. I covered her with the blanket so she wouldn’t get too cold. Her nightgown was slightly open at the chest, almost teasing me outright. But no, for that one thing, I’ll wait until we’re completely ready. It’s not a problem.
I saw the mark from her surgery; it looked scary! But it’s proof of Anya’s fight for Zain and me. I won’t rush anything. The doctor said it might look healed on the outside; dried and neatly stitched with only a thin scar. But what about the inside? That’s uncertain. And sexual activities put some pressure on her stomach. I need to be careful, right?
As I was about to leave Anya to change my clothes, her forehead furrowed. “Mom, I miss you.”
Oh God, that must feel terrible. I’m going to talk to my mother about what happened earlier, and… it seems like I have to do something.
I grabbed my phone and immediately sent a message to Daska.
Cedric: I sent my wife’s profile. Find out about her parents. Keep searching until you meet them. Also, get the last contact information regarding her sibling in Beverly Hills. How long will it take? But the outcome must be positive. Understood?